Harry Potter and the Video Camera of DOOM!
by dobby'socks7
Summary: Harry and Ron play with a video camera on a Saturday... what happens when they turn it on Hermione and Malfoy? D/Hr, oneshot. Sequel in the works - recommendations welcome.


Harry awoke on Saturday morning to find a stormy grey sky and rain that sounded like a hail of bullets hitting his window. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, thinking. Today was going to be VERY boring, he could tell. Quidditch practice would be canceled, Ron was on a date with Dean, and Hermione was also going out with Malfoy…_again. _Ever since they had gotten together, Hermione had spent almost all of her time with that blond girly-boy. Harry gritted his teeth just thinking about it and started to get dressed. After a quick breakfast in the Great Hall, Harry made his way back to the empty common room where he sat down in his favorite armchair by the fire. He _could_ start his homework but why should he, he was always more productive when he worked with Ron and Hermione, no need to break that habit now… looking around, Harry noticed something odd. In a far corner, an object was sitting on a table.

Having nothing better to do and a habit of letting his curiosity get the better of him, Harry walked over and picked up the object. It was a video camera! But unlike the one that Harry had seen his cousin, Dudley, receive as a present once, this one had many more buttons and knobs. Intrigued, he decided to spend his day playing around with the strange camera. After all, there was no name on it and he would return it to the owner if he found them. Harry walked back to his chair and turned on the camera, just as Rom walked through the portrait bole, looking furious with a large red mark on his cheek.

"Wassup?" Harry asked, surprised. He has not expected Ron to be back from snogging Dean until dinner time as _least_.

"Dean wasn't in the best mood," Ron muttered in an irritated voice (he was still getting used to talking about the fact that he was gay)' "we were-uh…"

"Snogging?" Harry supplied helpfully, knowing that Ron would rather not discuss this now.

"Us-yeah-snogging… and us well Dead got all mad because I said that I promised you and Hermione that I'd come Christmas shopping with you next weekend in Hogsmeade. So, he got all mad and –uh"

"Slapped you?" Harry said again, looking at the mark on Ron's cheek. "I must say, I never knew that gay men were so girly."

Ron took a swipe at Harry's head, who ducked laughing.

"I'm only joking!" he said still chortling.

"What's that?" Ron asked suddenly (obviously trying to change the subject). He had noticed the video camera in Harry's hand.

"Some sort of video camera," Harry said looking at it, "wanna play around with it?"

"Yeah," said Ron, "it's better than homework."

So the two boys began taking turns recording one another while playing with the different controls.

"Woah," said Harry pushing a large, purple button, "Ron, you've sort of-turned into a-a-CAT!!!"

Ron looked down, saw that he really was a cat (complete with bright red fur, whiskers, and a tail) and began spazzing out, doing a lot of what sounded like swearing… only to come out as hissing and spitting.

"Alright, alright, CALM DOWN!!!" Harry shouted over the racked Ron was making. "I'll figure this out, I promise!!!" Quickly, he pressed the purple button again and saw Ron change back into a human.

"I don't know how Sirius does it!" Ron said immediately, spitting fur out of his mouth. "Having a tail is about the worst thing I could EVER imagine!!!" Next it was Ron's turn. He began recording harry who, for the fun of it, was laying on his side in a very girly pose.

"Do I look like Dean?" he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Ron ignored him and turned a small, white knob, only to let out a low whistle. "Wow Harry," he said seriously, "the way you behave, I didn't even know you HAD those!"

Harry looked down and turned pale. He was completely naked; his clothes seemed to have disappeared – except for his socks. They were smoldering in the burning fire behind him. Now it was Harry's turn to lunge at Ron before running upstairs to find some clothes (while covering his behind). Nudeness seemed to be a setting on the recorder that could not be undone.

They continued playing around with their new toy until it was time for dinner. On the way down, Harry looked at Ron with an air of mischief about him. "You know what?" he said slowly, "that camera we found today was pretty great… it would be a shame not to show Malfoy and Hermione how amazing it is too."

Ron stared at Harry for a minute, and then comprehension dawned on his face. "Very evil," he said grinning widely, "yes, why don't we show the two of them just how wonderful it is…"

Hermione and Malfoy were walking around the lake after dinner talking. It made Harry's blood boil to see the two of them, hand-in-hand, walking and talking. It especially bothered him the way he made Hermione laugh and the way she looked into his eyes as if he knew EVERYTHING about the world… little git. Ron, on the other hand, just stared at Malfoy and looked as if he were concentrating on something very hard.

"You know, Harry," he whispered quietly to as they sat behind a clump of bushes under Harry's invisibility cloak waiting for the couple to pass, "Malfoy is pretty hot, I mean, _maybe_ I can woo him away from Hermione, dump Dean, start dating Malfoy, and you and Hermione can get together."

Harry had been about to vomit until the last part of Ron's plan… which didn't sound so bad to him. He decided to stay silent.

"Aw, come on mate," said Ron, "it wouldn't be _so_ bad, and you'd get the girl." Ron wiggled his eyebrows and smirked. "See? It all makes sense."

"Look, here they come," said Harry quickly, trying to hide the pleasure he had felt at hearing Ron's plan, "get ready now."

Ron switched the video camera on and focused on Malfoy. Then, he turned the white knob. Instantly, Malfoy became completely naked and Ron and Harry ran back to the castle under the invisibility cloak, howling with silent laughter as they listened to the couple's surprised shouts below. Then, they waited in the entrance hall as everyone came out from dessert. When Malfoy appeared in the doorway (wearing leaves around his middle) and began inching his way around the wall towards the doors that led to the dungeons, Harry and Ron made their next move.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Harry whispered gleefully.

Malfoy's leaves flew up into the air and landed where harry and Ron had been standing seconds before. Now they stood a few feet up, glad they had moved. If the leaves had landed on top of them when they were invisible and Hermione had seen them "hanging in thin air," she would have known it was them, and they would have been in big trouble. Harry had a funny feeling that she still would suspect them of committing the crime anyway. He laughed with the other students (his voice was lost in the crowd so he would be as loud has he wanted) and Malfoy stood frozen in the entrance hall before streaking down into the dungeons. Ron stared after him, a look of longing on his face.

"Don't even think about it!" Harry said threateningly under his breath before dragging Ron up the stairs and back to the common room before they were trampled by the crowds.

Hermione came back into the common room at one in the morning, looking tired and angry.

"I don't know how you two did it but I KNOW you made all that awful stuff happen tonight!" she said angrily coming up to Harry and Ron and poking them in the chests. "I can't BELIEVE you would even consider doing something like that!!!" she went on, her voice growing louder with every second.

"We were just trying to be thoughtful," Ron interrupted quickly, "you know seeing that you two are an _item_ now, (he made air quotes around _item_) we wanted to help you _get to know each other better_."

Hermione let out a shriek of rage, and grabbed the video camera from Harry and waved it around threateningly in front of their faces. "This is it, isn't it? _This_ is how you got rid of Draco's clothes and made them disappear!"

"Look at her eyes," Harry whispered loudly to Ron, smirking, "her eyes get that 'faraway look' when she mention Girly-boy's clothes evaporating."

Ron snorted and Hermione turned the recorder around and looked at the selection of controls. Both boys tensed immediately.

"Hold it," said Ron, suddenly looking nervous, "you don't know how to use that thing! It's dangerous! Put it-_meow_?"

Both Harry and Ron had turned into fluffy cats and were staring up at Hermione with confusion written all over their faces.

"I'll turn you boys back to normal in a few days," she said smugly, looking down at the looks of horror on the cats' faces. "Until then, you two are out sick with the measles." Hermione turned away to go up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. "Oh, and don't worry," she called back over her shoulder, "I'll get all your homework for you _until you get better_. Goodnight!" And with that, she skipped up the stairs and disappeared from sight.

"_Well_," Ron muttered indignantly a few minutes later and looked at the stairs to the girl's dormitory, "we can always sneak up after her… she _might_ have room on her bad."

"I thought you were _gay_!" Harry said pointedly, looking sideways at Ron.

"A man can always change!" Ron said happily, giving himself a cat bath.

"Oh shut up!" Harry shouted flinging a spider that was talking along the arm oh his chair and hitting Ron squarely in the face. Screaming like a five year-old girl and falling off the chair, Ron batted at his face hysterically has Harry jumped off the chair and walked up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. Who knew? Maybe she slept in boxer shorts…


End file.
